Owning your happiness is all about being optimistic and worrying about things you can control vs. things you can’t. If this comes naturally to you, then great! But if you’re like me and sometimes need a little help, then keep reading.
The first thing that attracted me to my husband (well, second thing, because I saw him first) was his happy vibes. He has the ability to make any situation fun and positive and truly “owns” his happiness, as I like to call it. I, on the other hand, do not have this ability. I’m sometimes pessimistic and am a very emotional being, so if things are going “badly” I feel those emotions very strongly and have a hard time turning them around. Instead of putting me energy into figuring out what will help me feel better, I often get stuck throwing myself a pity party and expecting other people to catch on and make it better for me. I develop a woe is me attitude because I’m so focused on what can’t change that I can’t see what can.
If you read my post yesterday in our Find Your Happy Home & Happy Life series then you know that I’ve been working to turn this around. I haven’t been a very happy homemaker or mom lately, even though I feel like being a mom and a homemaker is very much what I want to be doing. I wasn’t necessarily depressed, but after hours of listening to me my husband (careful not to be trying to “fix it”) pointed out that I wasn’t owning my happiness. I was focusing all my efforts on things I couldn’t control, and therefore was feeling empty, inadequate, and unhappy when things didn’t work out.
Since he said that, I came up with a system to help me own my happiness. (It’s kind of weird, I know!) If controlling your sense of happiness doesn’t come easy to you, then you will probably benefit from it. I want to make it clear though that this is not necessarily a cure for depression, it’s simply just a way to create more positive thinking, optimism, and happy vibes for yourself. If you’re having an extremely hard time doing either of those things, then get yourself to a therapist because you matter and you deserve to get better!!!
WHAT YOU NEED:
WHAT TO DO:
1. Need to feel happy: When you’re feeling a pity party coming on, write down what you need to feel happier, (even if it doesn’t seem like a possible or rational need).
2. Make it controllable: Figure out what ways this need can be controlled BY YOU. (sometimes, the only part that can be controlled is your reaction. You can do it!)
3. Realistic Expectations: Set yourself up for success by looking at the outcome realistically. If you acknowledge that it won’t be perfect, then you won’t feel like a failure when it’s not.
Here is my example chart for my most recent pity party: My son hitting people at pre-school.
Who else is a self-help book junkie? Let me know if I’m the only crazy one or if this actually helps someone else!!